If you are reading this, you must have recently been in a circumstance where you had to part with that special one in your life. You might have been dumped or you might have been the person to end it, either way it is never easy to get over someone you loved. Romantic love is a universal human phenomenon. It doesn't matter if you are a teenager or an adult, it doesn't matter where you are from, the pain of a break up is the same and so is the way to get better and heal. So read on to be guided out of this hard time in your life.
Here is how you might be feeling right now: You are constantly thinking about them, in fact they are all you think about these days. You keep checking their Facebook profile or any social media where you can get a glimpse of them. You might have even called them and texted them several times. You don't want to do anything or go anywhere. You have lost your appetite and everything keeps reminding you of them. It's as if you are physically in pain. You'd do any thing to end that feeling and get back to normal with your ex.
Step one: Acceptance. All of what you are experiencing is normal. Your brain reacts to a breakup in a similar way it would in grief. In a way you are also addicted to that person, you are used to their company and reciprocated love. So first step is to accept that what you are experiencing is normal and it will go away soon.
It is also likely that you have stumbled up on many 'lists of things to do to get over someone' on the Internet. You might have learnt that following those are not as easy as they'd say. Before we go on to the next step it is important that you believe that you will get through this. It can take anytime from 6 months to an year to be completely over someone and it will take less than a month for the feelings you or meet anyone like your ex again. This is not true, you will love again and meet someone whom you might even like more than your ex. In time you'd hardly think about your ex. This would seem far fetched to someone who just had a breakup. Right now even thinking about the prospect of your ex with someone else would break your heart but in time you wouldn't care. You will meet someone new and it will be exciting, slowly your ex would matter less and less. It gets better, It always does.
Step two: Zero contact. Cut all contact with them, block them on facebook, delete their numbers and remove them from all social media. It will be tempting to go to their profile or see what they are doing on other social media (instagram, snapchat, twitter, whatsapp --anything) but if you do you will regret it later. It won't be easy to do, all you can think about right now is them after all, but it is important to do it for the healing process to begin.
Step three: Free time. When you breakup with someone, all that time you used to spend with them is freed from your daily routine. This is one of the reasons you feel lost after a breakup. You are used to living in a particular way for quite sometime and a drastic change in your daily life can be hard. You might occasionally take out your phone expecting a text or a call from your ex. You might even forget that you broke up with your ex at times during the first days after a breakup. It will be heartbreaking at the moment you are reminded again but this wont last long. To fill up the time it is very important to keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends, find a new hobby or just find something to keep you occupied. Talk to new people, people you like, but remember that you are not ready to jump into another relationship. You will not be yourself at this time. You might feel desperate. Be confident when you talk to new people and this will help you grow your self esteem, which always take a huge blow after a breakup.
Step four: Someone new. It's time to start dating again!. When you are crushing on people and finding others interesting is when you know you are ready. By now you must be thinking about your ex just occasionally if at all. You are too busy doing other things and talking to new people you have met. You have grown accustomed to your new daily routine which does not include you ex. Your friends might even recommend people or set you up on dates. When you meet someone you like, don't go into a relationship just yet.
Step five: In a relationship. It's important to not rush this. You are not searching for a replacement to your ex. You are not trying to prove anything to anyone. You are not trying to make your ex jealous. Instead it must be someone you like and want to be with. Someone who makes you happy. Someone who makes you forget that your heart was ever broken. The key to a relationship is trust. It might be hard to trust again after your ex but you must for your relationship to work. Discuss, talk about everything and find out how you both can be better. Your ex might have left you because of a quality you had that they didn't like or it might simply be because they are just not in love and nothing you did would change it.
Step six: Ex who?. When you are in a new relationship its fun and exciting. You're in the 'honeymoon period'. Seeing your ex with someone else won't bother you at this point. You can even be friends with them if you wanted to but it's always better not to because being friends with an ex will not work and is also likely to make your new partner uncomfortable.
If you have read this far, you must have a basic understanding of how things will be later on. You're still at Step one, which is the hardest. This is a small guide and meant to give you an overview of what to expect. Everyone's journey is different. The important point is to get an idea of how things will unfold as you go on. Nothing you read or do can make you stop thinking about your ex right now but give it time and follow the guide and you will start feeling better sooner than you think.
